Dating Scammers, what are they, how to spot them and what to do

Start with the part that does the real damage, which is not the money. It is the silence afterwards. People do not report these because they are mortified, and the shame keeps the same tired scripts working on the next person. So take that off the table now: if this happens to you it is not because you were a fool. These are organised operations, run full time by people who practise, and they go after decent, obliging people precisely because a decent person helps when somebody says they are stuck.

The Gardaí are explicit about this and treat every report in confidence.

What Is A Dating Scammer?

Somebody using the site to get at your money rather than to meet you. It is a crime, and when it happens through a dating service it is called romance fraud. The shape of it barely varies: build the attachment first, produce a problem second, ask third. Everything before the ask is only groundwork.

How to spot a dating scammer

The details fall apart when you push
Never mind imperfect English, which tells you nothing at all. What tells you something is detail that does not survive an ordinary follow-up question. Somebody claims twenty years in Galway but cannot name a road, a pub or a parish. Ask which part and the answer comes back late, or vague, or slightly wrong. Real lives stand up to follow-up questions. Scripts do not.

There are stock phrases too, and they recur because they are copied from the same sheet: "Hello Dear" to open with, and oddly built lines like "I am George by name, I am 50 by age" or "I hope to be reading from you soon".

The speed is all wrong
The Gardaí list this first among the warning signs: they try to establish a bond quickly, with terms of endearment early on. Declarations inside a fortnight, talk of a future before you have heard each other's voices, wanting to be in touch every day almost from the start. It is flattering, and that is exactly the function it serves.

They ask a lot and tell you little
Another one straight from the Garda list. You will find you have given a great deal of detail about yourself and learned remarkably little back, and it will only strike you afterwards.

The ask
Never send money to another member, however long you have been talking and however genuine it sounds. The usual shapes are the flight to finally come and see you, a medical bill, a customs charge on a parcel, a business deal gone wrong, being stranded somewhere. The reverse version is worse: they want to lodge an inheritance or a large sum into your account for safekeeping, which turns your account into somebody else's problem.

The newer version asks for nothing at first. It mentions how well an investment is going, usually crypto, and offers to show you. The site looks convincing, the balance rises, and it never comes back out. Money and romance in the same conversation is the end of the conversation.

The meeting that never happens
The Gardaí put it plainly: they never meet you in person. Working offshore, on a contract abroad, serving with the forces, aid work somewhere remote. It is a tidy explanation for the absence and the bad line. Be aware too that a short, poor-quality video call proves nothing any more, since AI-generated video and cloned voices are now part of this. What still holds is meeting in daylight, in a public place, near where they say they live. A reverse image search on Google Images settles a lot of it in a minute.

Trust your instincts

If it feels off, it very likely is. You have spent decades reading people and that does not switch off because the conversation is on a screen. You need no proof and you owe nobody an explanation.

Protect your privacy

Watch for the early push to move off the site, onto WhatsApp, email or Facebook. The Gardaí list that too, and the reason is simple: off here there is no moderation, no report button and no record of what was said. A genuine person will not mind staying put a while longer.

How do I report a suspected scammer?

Scroll to the bottom of the profile and click "Report profile":

It is confidential and the person is never told. Use "Ignore" afterwards and they can no longer see your profile. Do not hold off because you are not certain. We would far rather look at ten hunches that come to nothing than miss the one that mattered.

If money has already gone, ring your bank first, because speed is what decides whether it can be stopped. Then report it. Ireland has no online fraud reporting portal and no national fraud hotline, so it is done in person: bring what you have to any Garda station, not only your local one, and they will take it from there. Serious cases go to the Garda National Economic Crime Bureau. Keep everything, the messages, the profile, the photographs and the transfers.

Then tell somebody you trust. If you would rather talk to somebody outside the family first, SeniorLine is free on 1800 80 45 91, ten in the morning until ten at night, and it is answered by trained older volunteers. ALONE are on 0818 222 024.

Read the Garda advice on romance fraud here: garda.ie, and find your nearest station at garda.ie/station-directory

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