From the Dance Hall to the Dating Site

If you were courting in the 1960s, 70s or early 80s, there's a fair chance it started in a dance hall. The showbands were in full swing, the mineral bar served nothing stronger than orange, and the long walk across the floor to ask someone up was the bravest thing many of us ever did.

Online dating can feel like a different planet by comparison. It isn't really. The manners are the same; it's only the walk across the floor that has changed.

How We Used to Meet

Back then the options were few and well known: the Saturday night dance, a word from a friend or a cousin, the walk home after Mass, or a match made by someone who knew both families. In the west the matchmaking tradition never quite went away, and Lisdoonvarna in County Clare still holds its matchmaking festival every September, as it has for over 165 years.

What all of these had in common was an audience. Half the parish knew who you'd danced with before you'd got home.

What's Different Now

You choose who you talk to. Nobody is watching from the edge of the floor, and you can read someone's profile, see what they enjoy and decide whether to say hello, all from the kitchen table.

You can chat for days or weeks before meeting, so by the time you sit down for a coffee you already know a fair bit about each other. And if it doesn't go anywhere, there's no long walk back to your friends with the whole hall watching.

What Hasn't Changed

Good manners still win. A friendly first message beats a clever one, the same way a smile and a proper hello did at the dance. Nerves haven't gone anywhere either, and that's no bad thing; it means you care how it goes.

People still like to take their time, too. Nobody expects you to rush, any more than they did when a first date was a walk to the chip shop.

A Few Pointers for Today

Chat on the site for a while before swapping phone numbers. There's no set rule, but a week or two of messages usually tells you plenty.

Meet somewhere public the first time, in daylight if you can, and tell a friend where you're going. Some things from the dance hall days were worth keeping, like having someone keep an eye out for you.

Who pays? These days it's often split, or one of you treats and the other gets the next one. Offer, and don't make a fuss either way.

If you're not interested, say so kindly. A short "thanks, but I don't think we're a match, and good luck" is far better than silence, and a lot easier than turning someone down in front of the whole hall ever was.

The music is different and the mineral bar is gone, but the idea is the same as it ever was: meet someone, have a chat and see where it goes. When you're ready to start, have a read of our tips on writing a good dating profile.

Look who else just joined

Loading members...