First Messages Without the Fear

You've found someone whose profile made you smile. Now comes the blank message box, which can be more intimidating than any dance floor. The secret is that a first message doesn't need to be clever. It just needs to show you've actually read their profile.

Pick Up on Something They Wrote

"I see you walk the prom in Salthill most mornings. Do you go in all weathers, or are you a fair weather walker like me?" A message like that is friendly, shows you're paying attention and is easy to answer. Look for a hobby, a place or a line that made you laugh, and ask about it.

Keep It Short

Two or three sentences is plenty. A friendly hello, something about their profile, and a question. You can save your life story for the second coffee.

What Not to Send

A message that just says "hi" gives the other person nothing to work with. Compliments about looks alone can feel a bit much from a stranger. And a copy and paste message sent to twenty people tends to read like one.

If You Don't Hear Back

Don't take it to heart. People are busy, some only log in once a week, and some simply aren't looking for the same thing. Give it a few days, then move on. There's no need to send a follow up asking why.

When You're the One Saying No

If someone messages you and you're not interested, a short, kind reply is better than silence: "Thanks for the message, but I don't think we're a match. Best of luck." It takes ten seconds and it's how you'd want to be treated. If anyone won't take no for an answer, stop replying and report the profile.

Then Keep It Going

If the chat flows, ask follow up questions and share a bit about yourself in return. When it feels right, suggest a phone call or a coffee somewhere public. Our guide to staying safe when dating over 60 has tips for that first meeting.

Look who else just joined

Loading members...